Greater than success

I was born in Daegu, Korea, as the youngest child.  I have two older brothers and one older sister.  Since my mother was a devout Christian, I have attended church from childhood. Even though my father was not a Christian at that time.  he did not forbid his children to go to church. However, when I was very young, even though I attended church regularly on Sundays, I did not really know about Christianity.  I did not know about salvation and did not know who Jesus Christ was.

When I was about twelve years old, my father's business went bankrupt. Before that time, our family was well-off. Following my father's bankruptcy, my family came to have a very difficult time financially. I remember that I wept a lot because of our family's poverty.  While I was attending junior high school  my parents never bought a new uniform for me, because they could not afford to buy one.  So, I had to wear a second-hand uniform.  At that time, I felt really ashamed and naturally I hated poverty.  So, at that time my goal was to study hard in order that I would succeed in life and make a lot of money.  Because I studied very hard and had good marks at school at that time, I had confidence that I would succeed in life.

However, when I was a senior at high school, I came to suffer from pneumothorax.  Because of it. I had to be operated on and stayed home for about one month.  However, about one or two months later, I had a recurrence of pneumothorax, and I had to be operated on again.  When I was being taken by taxi to the hospital to be operated on for the second time, I really envied people who were just freely walking by on the street.

This pneumothorax deprived me of my confidence of succeeding in life, because I had lost my health.  I came to be afraid of the future and thought that I had become a total failure.  However, through having pneumothorax I came to realize that God exists and came to fear Him.  So I began to read one chapter of the Bible and to pray a little everyday, not because I loved God and the Bible, but because I was afraid that God would give me another recurrence of pneumothorax.  Anyway, through pneumothorax, I came to fear God, even though I had lost my health and confidence in life.

Because of pneumothorax, I could not enter the university department that I wanted to enter.  Instead, I entered the agricultural engineering department of Seoul National University.  When I was a freshman, the pastor who was in charge of junior high school students in my church asked me to serve the Lord as a Sunday school teacher.  At first I strongly rejected his proposal, because I knew the condition of my spiritual life.  At that time I did not have the assurance of salvation and did not know the Bible enough to teach it to the students.  However, the pastor kept on asking me to serve as a Sunday school teacher.  So, I gave up rejecting his proposal and told him that I would serve as a Sunday school teacher from next year.

In that year, I attended the winter retreat for the college students of my church. At the prayer meeting on the last night as I was listening to a sister's honest testimony, suddenly I burst into tears and repented that I had lived a life according to my own will, not according to God's will.  At that time I was not able to control my weeping. I wept and wept and cried and cried. Then, I prayed to God that He might help me to live a life according to God's will.

It was somewhat strange that even after this experience, I did not have the assurance of salvation, because I could not understand why Jesus Christ died for me who was a such sinner.  However, from the next year, I served as a Sunday school teacher.  Because I did not know the Bible, I did my best to learn the Bible and to teach it to the students.  At that time, I decided to read at least 10 chapters of the Bible every day.  One day while I was reading II Cor. 5:15, I came to realize the reason why Jesus saved me.

        II Cor. 5:15 "And He died for all, that they who live should no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf."

After this incident, I really came to love and read the Bible more and more.  The Bible was like honey to me.  So I read the Bible a lot and also read many good Christian Books.  The more I knew the Bible and God's love, the more I wanted to be a full-time pastor, especially a missionary to Japan. God took away from me all my bad feelings towards the Japanese and gave me a heart to love the Japanese. Since that time, the vision of my being a missionary in Japan has not been blurred or dimmed.  I thank God who has led me and my family as missionaries to Japan in spite of our weakness and inadequacy.